I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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