just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Randomize
