I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
