he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I will pee on everything he values.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
