For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
