so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
