I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Randomize
