I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
