my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
