I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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