my soul wont recognize me after tonight
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
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