Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
