Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
