remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
