I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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