can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
