At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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