my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Come share oat with me in your robe
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
