I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
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