He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Randomize
