i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Randomize
