I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
