Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
