he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
