the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I am available for nakedness
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
