I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
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