if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Randomize
