I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
