His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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