Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
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