Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Randomize
