I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
