I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
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