i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Randomize
