dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
