Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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