Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
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