I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Randomize
