Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
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