Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
