What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
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