She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
