After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
