Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
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