three words: i give head
three words: not that well
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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