I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
