Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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