FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
