If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
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