I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
