K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
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