Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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