If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize
